I am ashamed to admit that nearly two years have passed since I have written anything on these journal pages. When last I wrote, it was a dark time for me for I had given up hope that Calandra would ever return the love I held for her. I was very, very wrong in this assummption. Not only did she accept my love and return it, we have since married and now live in the beautiful lands of Morocco. The plase so enchanted us that we resigned from the guild so we could live there or anywhere else we choose. As it turns out, no other land held the kind of magic as Morocco and it is there we have remained.

Erin and Logan have thrived and I can sense, are very happy. I love being a father, and Calandra is a superb mother. Never have I been so content as in the last two years. I am husband to a woman who's love gives strength to my light and soul; and father too two children I loved the moment I first saw them and adopted with Calandra. Soon, our family will grow as Calandra is pregnant and due to deliver within the next few weeks. Oddly enough, she mentioned returning to the Outpost to visit our friends there. I believe she secretly wishes to have our baby there. That is something I would not object to at all since the Outpost holds so many special and intimate memories for us both.

All in good time; we shall see.

Shortly after my last journal entry, four children were kidnapped by the Mountain Bandits. Kalila and Lily were two of the four taken, and since that time, all four were rescued and safely returned to us. Our Grand Commander managed to persuade the Bandit King to meet with her negotiate their release when all the while, members of the Knights and Magi launched a successful rescue. This happened while the Bandit King was on our grounds and when he realized the children were no longer in his possession, a fight broke out. The Grand Commander was seriously hurt in this battle and remains in the infirmary. Other Knights and Magi were also injured, but were able to be treated and released.

The night of the battle, I had stayed at home because I was not sure I could endure watching Calandra work under such conditions. I did not wish to be a distraction to her, and it was no surprise that a battle did ensue. What did surprise me was the fact that Calandra was not alone when she came home. While she was obviously hurt and in pain, she had brought an Apprentice with her and told he would be staying with us for a while. The boy's name is Gareth, and I could tell he was more nervous than perhaps, frightened. I assured him he was welcome in our home, then allowed him to have a bath, some food, and let him settle down for the night in a spare bedroom, then went to make sure Calandra was all right.

I found her in her office, crouched under her desk, her bloody and torn shirt thrown on the floor. Her back was a mess and I knew she'd not gone to see a healer. I took her into our bedroom and tended her injuries as best I could, then held her through the night. I saw very little of Calandra over the following few days, but when I did, she was quiet and withdrawn. I am sure the stress of the children's rescue and the aftermath of the battle were taking a toll on her. Yesterday, I saw her leaving the outpost and decided to follow along.

I was happy to see that Calandra had gone to the garden I made last spring, but when I approached and sat with her, she seemed irritated that I had followed. I expressed my concerns for her and asked if she would consider going to talk with a Counselor. Instead of answering or acknowledging this, she told me she wished for silence. In that silence I thought of many things, but mostly, of how deep my feelings for her ran.

When she finally moved to stand, I asked what she wished for next; she said she wished to go home and sleep. She looked over her shoulder, obviously to see if I would follow, then turned to walk away once more. This simple action cut deep into my heart and soul, and I knew I could take no more. I told Calandra that she couldn't run away forever, and that I would not return to the days of chasing after her. I did not wait for a reply, but drew upon my Light and took myself away.

When I finally did return home, Calandra was not there. I searched and learned from Marie that she'd taken a room for the night at there, at the Inne. Somehow, this information was too much for me to bare, and I returned to the quarters I have shared with her, packed up all my belongings and returned to my old quarters. Next I went to Elshess, wanting to make sure she'd not overtaxed herself treating those who needed healing after the battle with the bandits. She was indeed very drained, and asked if I would allow Kalila and Lily to stay with me for a few days so she could rest and revive herself. Of course I consented to this and took the girls back to my quarters.

Kalila and Lily have been a blessing to me, for with them here, I am not left so alone to think about and to miss Calandra. I did not leave a note for Calandra when I left, but I am sure she is aware of my absence. As painful as it is to have gone, I believe it is best for I have come to the realization that my presence in her life is pointless. She might have wanted me with her, but I never felt truly needed. Perhaps she feels to need is to be weak, but in truth, to accept a need you have defines strength.

I do not believe Calandra ever fully accepted the love I tried to give; I am not even sure how hard she tried. I only know that after the last time we parted, something inside my chest broke apart, and I do not have the will of hope to try and fit those broken pieces back together once more.